Being a dad means even though there are two NBA playoff games on TV right now I’m watching Henry Hugglemonster

My 3 year old: No soccer today! Soccer’s poop

I’m trying my best not to cry in front of him. I’ve never been so proud.

The list of people currently ruining my lunch: wife, child
The best part about playing Legos with my kid is when he leaves me alone so I can just play Legos
The only thing more beautiful than the sound of a child’s laugh is the sound of silence when the child is finally afuckingsleep.
According to my son “ears and ears ago dinosaurs are a stinkted”
Is there anything worse than Saturday morning? It basically means you’re sentenced to 48 straight hours with these people (your family).
My kid may be done with his afternoon nap but I sure as fuck ain’t done with it
My wife got me good for April Fools Day. She said at lunch earnestly and with a straight face, I want another kid. Once the ER doctor brought me back to life we all had a great laugh!