This always pissed off my wife but whenever she bitched about how tough it is to have kids I reminded her it’s something a possum can do
Playing Legos is awesome til my dumb kid spoils it by joining
Some call the act of child birth a miracle I call it front shitting
Every time I play hide n seek I choose in my bed under the covers and hope it takes a proper sleep cycle for my 3 year old to find me
I think my wife thinks it’s ‘Abstinence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder’
When I go at college I will be thirty ten
With these bracelets Walt Disney World forces you to wear now at all times I feel like I’m under mouse arrest
Taking my family to Disney World because I love my kid and I hate my wife
Dammit my wife called me and I flipped my phone to silent and texted “Shhhh I’m putting the child down pick us up some In N Out” and wouldn’t you know she did pick us up some In N Out? Bitch just added another guaranteed year of marriage with that one.
Got my hose in the pool with my boys

Got my hose in the pool with my boys