My kid doesn’t realize his crying kid at airport act is so cliche
I’m afraid of heights, drowning and my child’s mother
With these bracelets Walt Disney World forces you to wear now at all times I feel like I’m under mouse arrest
Taking my family to Disney World because I love my kid and I hate my wife and myself
Dammit my wife called me and I flipped my phone to silent and texted “Shhhh I’m putting the child down pick us up some In N Out” and wouldn’t you know she did pick us up some In N Out? Bitch just added another guaranteed year of marriage with that one.
Got my hose in the pool with my boys

Got my hose in the pool with my boys

Happy motherfucking Fathers Day because honestly that’s how it happened
Twas the night before Fathers Day
And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
Except for the fucking kids
Happy Fathers Day Weekend! TGIFDW
May your pity sex with wifey be tolerable and your homemade gift from junior be heart tugging