After another night of not sleeping I’ve decided I no longer want to be a present father. In the olden days I’d go out for a pack of smokes and never return. Today I feel like I would tell the family I’m going out for a new cel phone and then never return.
Every day my wife and kid play a game called Who Can Spend More Of My Money and every day it’s a fucking horse race.
I kill spiders like it’s my job which according to my wife it is
While moms away the TV will play
Is 2:39 PM too early for bedtime?
My kid saw an alien on an episode of Paw Patrol and wants to see more aliens so I’m showing him Star Wars. May have to call out of work today
This always pissed off my wife but whenever she bitched about how tough it is having a baby I reminded her it’s something a possum can do
Playing Legos is awesome til my dumb kid spoils it by joining
Some call the act of child birth a miracle I call it front shitting
Every time I play hide n seek I choose in my bed under the covers and hope it takes a proper sleep cycle for my 3 year old to find me